Is this relationship, whether it’s your first, second, or you and your partner just got back together, stressful or overwhelming? I understand. Just know that you’re not overreacting if you’re worried. Whether it’s about your boyfriend or your future as a couple, it’s natural and common to worry and think about him/your future together often. Now, I’m going to be separating this into three categories. These are from experiences I’ve witnessed and have gone through myself. Hope this helps.
He’s not replying to my texts, and when I ask why, he comes up with some excuse. I want to believe him, but how can he be telling the truth when he checks his phone every 5 minutes? Yet when I do the same, even though I was busy, all of a sudden I’ve committed a crime.
This is something I’ve dealt with multiple times in a relationship. You text your boyfriend either a serious message of something you want to discuss, or just say “what’s up?”. Yet an hour later, no response. I know what it’s like and I felt ignored and disrespected to be honest. I didn’t appreciate it at all. And the thing is, a lot of the time I use Facebook where you know someone saw your message, which hurts even more. This sort of thing is something I call “selective texting”. I also read about this a while back on a blog. It’s when a guy takes control of the conversation by ignoring the messages that he’d rather not reply to, and waiting for you to change the subject so he doesn’t have to deal with the question. Inconsiderate much? I think so. Yet when they pour their hearts out, you’re expected to be all ears. It is unfair. And you can alter that. Here’s how…
Don’t be the first to text.
The reason I’m saying this is because, from experience, I would almost always be the one to text him. The reason this alters things is because (and this is once again from experience) he expects to get a text from you first, instead of him doing it. So if he really wants to talk, let him put in some effort and text you first.
Don’t change the subject when he doesn’t reply, confront him.
If he hasn’t replied to your long, heartfelt message, or if you just said ‘what’s up?’ and it’s been more than an hour, no reply, confront him. Maybe some guys might say (reading this) ‘Don’t confront him. It only makes him feel uncomfortable.’ or ‘It’ll only make things awkward.’ I don’t know about you, but I thought a relationship was supposed to be a partnership, so ignore that. If you’re trying to address something you feel is important or serious, then confront him for not replying. Your feelings matter too. It’s not selfish. Say something like, “This is something that I think is important/a real issue and I want us to talk about it.” or, if you’re a little more ‘spunky’ or self confident (like myself), address the problem head on. “This is something that I think is important/a real issue and I think we need to discuss it. I don’t appreciate being ignored.” Yes, I realize sometimes he may be busy. But if he has time to check his phone every 10 minutes or so, he has time to reply to your texts. Sometimes he may explain why he didn’t reply. But an explanation and an excuse are pretty easy to distinguish. Explanation: “Sorry, I was in a meeting.” Excuses: “Sorry, I didn’t have my phone on me.” (although this is also possibly true) “Sorry, I didn’t actually see the message. When I unlock my phone it says ‘seen’.” (that was in terms of Facebook). The example of an example I gave is pretty believable if your partner has a job that requires a lot of his attention. However, if you’re fully aware that your partner doesn’t have a job or does something at home/ that doesn’t require his whole day, then this is an obvious excuse. The excuses I provided are quite obvious. The second one is an excuse that I was given, and that is an obvious one. Of course I don’t believe it. But all in all, confront him and deal with the issue.
Don’t easily let him change the subject, either.
If he tries to say something a while later like “Hey, did you hear about…”, reply, but address the issue once again. Don’t let him get away with trying to avoid the matter at hand. If you feel it’s something important, then you should acknowledge it.
To let you all know, I wrote this a little while back and I’m a different person now. So, take the advice if you like. Also, that relationship I was referring to wasn’t mine but a friend’s whom I was pretty close with and still am. So, thank you for reading.